After
by sherrybaby
Summary: A confession is made while walking in the woods


After the battle, they all went home and slept and carried on and tried to pick up the pieces. The warm summer sun gave way to a harsher, unforgiving one and the treat of school loomed in the air. It was rapidly becoming Fall and they still didn't feel whole.

Four boys- Stan, Richie, Eddie and Big Bill had decided to play in The Barrens like before, but it wasn't the same, and probably would never be. the clubhouse had been demolished at one point or another, Stan couldn't remember exactly when. Not that it mattered, he never went back down there after Mike and Richie told everyone what they saw in the smoke hole. Bill had always asked why, but Stan could never answer.

The four walked together in silence, well, as much silence as you could get with Richie Tozier around. The summer had brought a one way ticket to adulthood and with that a sense of maturity- for most. Riichie and Eddie ran up ahead- Eddie more or less was running away from Richie who was trying to stuff the slimy, muddy leaves down the back of Eddie's shirt. The smaller boy's protests and shrieks could probably be heard across town.

As they walked under the changing leaves, the golden sun filtering in through the trees, Stan saw, for a brief moment, the boy Bill once was. The light illuminated his face, a small smile tugging at his lips, lost in his thoughts. The battle had aged them all, but had taken its toll on Bill the most. He had lost his brother, his innocence, his childhood, and, despite defeating the monster, he still carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Stan supposed that's how it would be from now on. He wished he could do something to support Bill, their ever fearless leader even in these calm times, but he just lamely offered his hand out, squeezing Bill's shoulder in a weak sign of solidarity. Bill flashed a warm smile at him and Stan took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never.

"Bill, I-"

"Yuh-yuh'know, juh- juh- Georgie l-loved this time of year," Bill cut him off, and Stan didn't even mind. He didn't even know what to say, really. Bill didn't seem to have anymore to say. Stan studied Bill's profile, the retreating sun darkening his face. His eyes traced Bill's forehead, mostly hidden by his red hair; the slope of his nose, his perfect lips. The smaller boy had the strangest urge to lean over and kiss him. Instead, he took a deep breath.

"Do you remember when you asked me why I wouldn't go back to the club house?"

"Mhm," Bill nodded, smirking slightly. Stan took another deep breath.

"Swear you won't laugh?"

Ii swear, Stanny." It was Bill's turn to offer a reassuring hand.

"Okay." Stan was quiet for a long time before continuing. "I never wanted to believe it was real. I just couldn't. It wasn't possible to me. It… fuck, it _offended_ me. There."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Bill, I know I'm odd. I know people- you guys even- make fun of me. I know I like things a certain way and I like being clean. I know who I am and what I believe and _that_? I couldn't believe in that. I'd go crazy if I did, if I could fully accept what I saw; the dead kids and the monsters in the sewer-"

"The l-l-lights too?"

"Yeah. The deadlights." His voice was flat, disconnected. The word sent a shiver down his spine and an army of goosebumps marched up his arms.

"Stanny-"

"No, let me finish. I realized something: that, that _thing_ went against everything i believed in, everything that made sense to me. The smokehole, I mean, I could've stayed. I can take being scared... I just cannot stand being dirty. And the smokehole, the sewers, the blood in Bev's bathroom, the entire thing was _dirty_. I need order and, it offended me. Look, I'm not going back on my promise, I wouldnt do that. But… does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense, Stan." Bill chuckled at Stan's skeptical look. "We were there, stan. we understand it better than anyone else. It's over."

"Anyway i just wanted to explain. I felt that I owed it to you, if no one else." Stan weakly returned Bill's smile, his face drained of color except for two bright red spots on his cheeks. Bill had noticed, not for the first time, that they formed when Stan was under duress and it hurt to see him that way. He reached out his hand, this time capturing Stan's, and linked their fingers. Stan looked at him in surprise. Bill gave his hand a light squeeze and traced the small scar on his palm, a last remnant of their bond.

A few minutes passed and they settled into the quietness. Up ahead, Richie had his arm thrown around Eddie's shoulder, kissing his cheek every time Eddie rewarded his jokes with screaming laughter.

"Hey," Stan broke the silence first. "Down there, in the sewers, I realized something else, Bill. With you by my side, I'm not as afraid. I realized I'd fight dirty as long as I was fighting for you."

After the battle, they went home and slept, a small, neat boy lay wrapped in the arms of a boy with the world on his shoulders, his soulmate./p


End file.
